


Over a Decade

by sallyboles



Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: M/M, Unresolved Sexual Tension, typical of me to write a downton fic with nothing downton in it except these two boys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-27
Updated: 2018-12-27
Packaged: 2019-09-28 12:42:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17183201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sallyboles/pseuds/sallyboles
Summary: "Philip and he sometimes went to the same places - not often, of course. It was only rarely that Thomas got some spare time in London and Philip - well, he wouldn’t go to the same places Thomas would, naturally. But sometimes, only sometimes, they would meet. "Essentially, Thomas and Philip find themselves looking for a place to go in the middle of the night.





	Over a Decade

**Author's Note:**

> Could be set whenever you want, before or after the finale, it's up to you. Definitely later in the show's timeline, but sometime when Thomas isn't too down. He's rather confidant, here, I think, though a bit angry, as always. I also haven't written any fic in forever haha but I just woke up the other day and had an urge to write this. I'm quite happy with it, really, but I hope there aren't any typos :/

Philip and he sometimes went to the same places - not often, of course. It was only rarely that Thomas got some spare time in London and Philip - well, he wouldn’t go to the same places Thomas would, naturally. But sometimes, _only sometimes_ , they would meet.

It had happened several times over the years - once, during the war, and it had been too hard for them to speak, for them to dare approach each other. Philip was there with people, Thomas was to meet someone. Their eyes met and they didn’t nod or smile, just went back to whatever they were doing and remained aware of each other for the whole night. The next times, it was that way, too. There was no point in them speaking, they both thought, and it was never the right moment and what could they have said? What could they have done? Neither of them were sure they wanted to meet the other one again after so long, anyway.  
  
And yet they both knew instantly when the other was there, it was a presence that coloured the whole evening, in a strange way. They’d encountered each other a few times at balls and parties given by the Crawleys, too, though it never went further than the two of them being in the same room. Those times it could have been like nothing had ever happened - they were back in their normal place as servant and duke - nevermind that they were still attracted to each other. That never went away, of course, but it had to be ignored, even avoided. But at the bars it was different. Each other’s presence was unavoidable. Those were evenings Thomas was never able to forget, even if he hadn’t so much as approached Philip. Somehow, it all stayed etched in him mind. During those evenings, he always felt a little stronger, a little madder. He tried not to think too much about what Philip thought of it all. He tried not to call him Philip, in his mind, either. Not _His Grace_ , though. The Duke was good. And if anyone ever spoke of a duke, it was Philip that Thomas thought of.  
  
One night, Thomas was sitting in a bar he’d been to a few times, flirting with two young men and without much hope of either of them actually leaving with him - It was all good fun, though, they looked nice and he enjoyed talking to them but neither really grabbed his attention. He hadn’t come there for that, anyway, he just wanted to relax, be somewhere safe. One of the boys - Anthony or Arthur or something, their names had only been exchanged quickly - was discussing an old lover of his who had introduced him to the bar. The lover had apparently stopped coming after they’d split.

It was refreshing, to be able to talk of these things so casually with people like him. It wasn’t just for sex or for love that he went to these places, it was for friendship, to meet his people. When he was young, he had been a lonewolf, refusing to be categorised with them, but as he got older he began to feel a need for their presence, and he began to understand who were his people, and who were not. He mostly encountered people who were not. Despite himself he got filled with a sense of pride as he thought how superior, in appearance, in mind, in life, the people he met in these kind of bars were to the people he worked with, who all went about their simple lives worrying about fuck all and destroying their own easily attainable happiness. Happiness wasn’t easily attainable for Thomas or the people like him, and yet they all took it with a mighty sense of humour and they all made love all the same. And places like these existed, despite every law and negative opinion - that was proof of something, Thomas thought.  
  
And then the Duke came in. Thomas smiled at his glass, thinking how fitting his old lover should turn up during this story. Thinking he’d missed him too, strangely. Just missed seeing him around. He was also with someone, a woman who seemed quite eccentric, like any woman who would come into a bar like this, and they seemed to get along quite well. And though Thomas didn’t look at him directly, they both knew the other was there. Well, Thomas knew he was there, was hyperaware of it on this calm night, and surely the Duke was aware of him too, though he made no sign. At one point, Thomas could almost feel the Duke was staring at him, but out of stubborness or maybe fear he didn’t look. The next time he caugth him out of the corner of his eye the man had his head turned away.  
  
Several hours went by, and the woman left, leaving the duke behind who introduced himself to a group at the bar. Thomas’ circle also got larger, with one of two familiar faces having joined. And it got later and later, and only slightly emptier, and finally the barman announced they were closing.  
  
Everyone slowly moved towards the exit, Thomas and Philip included, until finally they were all outside, the crowd rapidly dissipating out of fear of being seen. It was a really cold night, in a sort of exhilerating way, and Thomas wanted a cigarette. He stayed there for a moment to light it, and then turned around without even thinking to see what had happened to the Duke. And just at that moment, as he turned his head, the man walked out of the bar and they found themselves face to face. The Duke froze, looking him in the face before beginning to smile, and then his expression grew serious again. _Am I really doing this?_ thought Thomas, and then he was.    
  
“Hello,” Philip simply said.  
      
“Hello,” Thomas replied with a slightly sarcastic smile and a quirk of an eyebrow. This was something else, them speaking - they didn’t do it, they hadn’t done it for years. But there was no discomfort in doing it at all, it was as if suddenly, having spoken to him Thomas was shot back to all those years ago when they’d been able to say anything to each other. Thomas hadn’t had many people like that in his life, maybe even he’d had none, so feeling this way still with the Duke was exciting. The Duke himself had something in his eyes, slight curiosity or something else undetectable but thrilling - Jesus Christ, those eyes were… - and he stayed in his position, body turned as if he was about to keep walking, but he didn’t.  
  
“Thomas.” the Duke said. He didn’t have anything to add, he just said the name and let it trail off, and he did it with a slight widening of the eyes and tremor of the lips, as if he didn’t quite believe they were actually speaking. Or maybe Thomas was just projecting. It was always awful for Thomas, to try and guess what another man was thinking, to try and stop his hope from altering it, and it was the same with Philip, but in the past the man has always - well, he hadn’t always proved Thomas right, no, but he’d always surprised Thomas in a good way, bar the time he visited the Abbey, and Thomas right now was trying desperately not to guess, so as not to get his hopes up. But he was Thomas and when he saw a pretty man his mind went all over the place.  
  
“Your Grace,” he replied with a smile. Philip laughed.  
  
“Please, don’t do that,” he said with crinkles around his eyes. When they had been together, _Your Grace_ was what Thomas called him when he was pissed off. Thomas laughed, too.  
  
“Alright, should I say _duke_?”

“If you’d like.”  
  
Thomas liked that. “So,” he said, “What you up to?”

“Right now, I’m about to ask you if you have any idea where a man could go,” he drew out the last word a bit. “Some place else, I mean. That’s open.” He said this while gesturing slightly at the the building. Thomas loved the way he always gestured at things - and maybe later he’d think twice about loving anything at all of the Duke of Crowborough’s yet right now he just let a smile slip onto his face.  
  
Thomas in response sorta looked about, and said, “I know a few places. Um,” He grinned slightly at Philip, and checked his watch, as they both began to walk. “I’m not sure which are still open.”  
  
“Ah.” Philip nodded.  
      
“You sure you don’t feel like turning in, duke?”  
      
“Ah, I’m feeling quite awake. And you?”  
  
Thomas hesitated for a moment, before saying, “So am I.”

“Good.”

“So, there’s Olivier’s which should be open but it’s not the nicest of places-“ Philip chuckled at this, Thomas didn’t know why. “Otherwise there’s that bar on the corner, I don’t know if you know it-“  
      
“I do.”  
      
“But I’m not really sure what time it closes at.” Thomas mulled this over. It was just past four in the morning and the truth was most places would be closed, or closing, by the time they got there. But he didn’t want to seem like he didn’t know what he was talking about. He did, he just… well, usually he was either back at Grantham house or _with_ someone at this stage. But tonight he was walking in the empty streets with his old lover, with the Duke of Crowborough. And he loved that.  
  
“Well, we could always go and see,” Philip suggested, swinging in his step ever so slightly. He was always so rigid around everyone else, at parties and social events that _Thomas the servant_ would see him at. Thomas had almost forgotten that there was much more to the man than that. It was good to see him relaxed, he seemed more human.  
  
“Yes, but in that case we’d have to walk the other way.”  
  
The Duke stopped and laughed. “Yes, we would. Okay, let’s go, shall we?” And he turned around. Thomas followed.  
  
“You really sure you want to spend this time with me?” he asked.  
  
The duke looked at him with an unreadable expression. “Christ, how long has it been? Since we last properly spoke, I mean.”

“Over a decade,” Thomas said quietly, a slight laugh in his voice, also a slight sadness.

“Are you still angry with me?” the Duke asked.  
  
It was the oddest question to be asked. Thomas was so used to holding grudges - he’d held a grudge with Bates for years now, a grudge that seemed to never go away, despite it all. He had a grudge against Carson, and tried to leave it behind, but ultimately couldn’t. He held a grudge against O’Brien for betraying him after so long, and the list went on and on and on. And he’d sworn to hold one against Philip for all eternity, too, that night after he’d left his room. But he hadn’t kept that promise to himself. Maybe it was because Philip was like him, or maybe it was because despite himself he still found the man beautiful and didn’t that always guide his feelings? But mostly it was because over the years the awful memory of their break up and all the anger he’d felt had mixed up with all the amazement he had felt upon meeting Philip, and all their memories of quietly fucking with people in the next room, or flirting in front of everyone at a ball as if it were nothing, or laughing at others together, and so on. So now, what did he feel? He felt traces of anger but also traces of every other feeling he could feel for him - all in a gigantic whirlwind.  
  
“No,” he answered and added with a grin, “despite thinking you’re an entitled prick I still rather like you.”  
  
“Ah, glad to hear it! And I’d say the same for you.”

“Um, excuse me,” Thomas said, taking mock offense and spinning around in an attempt to walk away. He was only slightly drunk. Philip burst out laughing, and Thomas shushed him, not wanting to wake anyone up. Of course, Philip didn’t care.  
  
“Are you sure you’re not drunk?” he asked, at which Thomas just gave a sort of hesitant and playful nod. “I’m not so sure.” Philip said.

“I don’t care what you think.”

“Well, maybe you should, seeing as I’m very likely going to be paying for your drink.”  
  
“Are you? In what bar?” Thomas asked, directing both their attentions towards the closing bar they had been meaning to go to.  
  
Philip huffed. “We can still find some place. And then I’ll buy you the least expensive drink there, how about that?”  
  
Thomas snorted. “I can do that myself, thank you very much. I’m sure there are more bars this way, come on.”  
  
“Yes, chief.”  
  
“Am I your chief?” Thomas asked, turning towards him.  
  
“What?”

“All that time we were… you know, during those _weeks of madness_ , I’m pretty sure that’s what you called them. Were you just using me, or did I have any control in any of it?”  
  
Philip looked more sombre, like he couldn’t figure out if they were still bantering or if Thomas was being serious. “What would I have been using you for?”  
  
“You tell me. Your own fun, I guess.”  
  
“You were fun,” Philip granted.  
  
“Was that all?”  
  
“No.”

“Well?”  
  
“Where are you bringing me?”  
  
Thomas came to a halt. “I don’t know.”  
  
“You never know where you’re going.”  
  
“I did with you.”  
  
Philip rubbed his brow. “Why are we talking about this?”

“What did you expect?”

“I don’t know,” Philip admitted. “I’m as bad as you, I… I didn’t think it through. At all.”  
  
“Wait,” Thomas said, stepping closer to Philip. “Are we talking about now, or about our…relationship, in the past?”

Philip looked at his feet, and gave a small groan. “Both?”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.”  
  
“Did you think any of it through?” Philip suddenly asked.  
  
“No. I don’t think so.”  
  
“So _you_ weren’t using _me_?”  
      
“No, of course not!” Thomas said as if he’d been insulted.  
  
“Oh, that’s typical of you, you - you accuse me but then, of course, you’re not to blame at all!”  
  
“How am I to blame?”  
  
“You tried to blackmail me!” Philip said in a silent and cutting tone, and Thomas bit back with just as much venom.  
      
“Oh, so fucking what? You didn’t even care, you made that clear enough. And you got out of it pretty well, with your wife and your kids and-“  
  
“Oh, don’t bring them into this. I could probably ask you who you blackmailed to get to where you are-“  
  
“That was one time!”  
  
Philip suddenly burst into laughter, covering his mouth. Thomas looked him up and down and stepped back.  
  
“Fuck you,” he said, and Philip eventually stopped laughing.

“I thought you weren’t angry,” he simply said, a smile still on his face, but it was evident in his face he was hurt, too.  
  
“Yeah, well maybe I fucking am. I lied. Ta-da.”  
  
“I’m sorry,” Philip said. Thomas didn’t know what to think.  
      
“Okay.”  
  
“But you were wrong too.”

“Ugh!” Thomas said, moving about in exasperation. “You are so annoying!”  
  
“Maybe, but I’m right.”  
      
For a moment, they just looked at each other, and Thomas seriously considered walking off and leaving the aristocrat to find his own club. But Philip was still… Philip was still Philip, a man Thomas had been unable to resist since he’d met him, even if the mere thought of him could drive Thomas crazy.  
  
“I was never going to actually use those letters against you.” He finally admitted quietly, and looked Philip in the eye.  
  
Philip was on his guard, now, hands in his pockets and glaring at him. “Yeah, well, it was still an awful thing to do.”  
  
“Just as awful as stealing my letters from my room.”  
  
“Yeah, maybe. Still terrible.”  
  
“Well, you pissed me off.”  
  
“You piss _me_ off all the time,” Philip said.  
  
“Philip, we haven’t spoken in ten years.”  
  
“ _Still_ ,” Philip said with the slightest smile finding itself on his face again. He looked directly into Thomas’ eyes, and then looked him up and down. “You’re infuriating,” he said.  
  
“Yeah, you’re even worse than that”, Thomas replied, but there was no bite in his voice anymore as Philip stepped near him.  
  
“Why do I even speak to you?” Philip wondered, and met Thomas’ eyes mischievously. They both knew the answer to that question. It was attraction - not just of bodies but of minds, too. And it never went without fighting - neither of them knew why they were so attracted to the other but they would provoke, push, and pull in order to find out, to understand better. This was why they’d spent years not talking, but now that they had spoken there was no going back. They were sucked in again. Who knew for how long, but for that moment, certainly.  
  
Philip’s hand went over Thomas’ coat, then opened it and let his hands wander inside, eyes fluttering between what he was doing and Thomas’ eyes. Thomas wore a heavy grey suit underneath, and his hands went up to meet Philip’s just as the Duke started to open some of his buttons. Philip always liked opening Thomas’ buttons, whenever he could get his hands on him. He used to even toy with his cufflinks in public, absentmindedly, or with the devil in his eyes. It didn’t lead to sex, necessarily - Thomas and Philip hadn’t made love very often during that summer in 1911, there was never a proper time or place. Maybe had they been really cautious they wouldn’t have done it at all. But they had touched each other, all the time, whenever they could, even if it meant a simple brush. Philip had started it, but Thomas knew when to touch Philip best.  
  
Philip only opened a few buttons, at the front of his shirt, and then pressed a kiss to Thomas’ chin. Thomas stepped back, remembering they were in the middle of the street. He hated as much as he loved getting distracted this way. Philip’s hand stayed at his elbow, fingers caressing it.

“I’d like to undress you,” he said. “I never undressed you enough, to my taste.”

“I thought you didn’t want to speak to me.”  
  
“We don’t have to speak while I take your clothes off. But I’d rather we did.”  
  
“Do you really?”  
  
“Yes, I like your tongue.”

“Would you like to find some place where we could do this, or do you want to do it in the middle of the street?”  
  
Philip considered this a moment. “How long have you got before you need to get back?”  
  
“A couple hours.”  
      
Philip laughed. “You’re gonna be exhausted tomorrow!”

“I’ve often been exhausted because of you.”  
  
“Yes you have. I can’t quite figure out if that’s a compliment.”  
  
“I’d say it is.”  
   
Philip smiled his disarming smile once more. “Okay,” he said. “How likely do you think it is we can find a place in two hours?”  
  
“If we’re careful I’m sure we could go anywhere,” Thomas said as Philip began to roam his hands across his body once more. This time they were on his shoulders, up his neck, around his ears. Thomas’ hands were on his arms. “Your place, Grantham house, maybe we could even visit that lovely girl you were with earlier on.” Philip crinkled his nose at that. “Heck, we could maybe even sneak into Buckingham palace.”  
  
“Christ, as long as we go _somewhere_ ,” Philip said, eyes on Thomas’, then on his lips, then back up to his blue, blue eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> So the continuation is basically that they have lots of sex and keep on meeting up whenever they can tadaaa


End file.
